Touch

I had a massage appointment yesterday. I hadn't had one in awhile because of my work schedule. I was a little skeptical about it because he was a client I had worked on before and I know how stubborn he could be. His wife wanted him to get a full body massage and generally you have to disrobe for that and I knew he wouldn't but she wanted me to try anyway. It went surprisingly well considering all I could get him to take off was his belt watch and his over shirt. He even kept his shoes on. So I worked what magic I could and he was thoroughly impressed. He was jelly by the time I was done with him and all he wanted me to work on was his back and neck. This guy is a very straight forward type of guy and if he felt he needed to tell you what for he would. He would never give a compliment either if he didn't feel it was due so to hear him go on and on about my work was very much appreciated. It was quite the ego boost. It was wonderful to massage again. It takes such effort sometimes to get started but once I start working on someone its almost euphoric. It feels sortof like a really good yoga session mixed with deep meditation. Not everyone has done yoga or meditated so let me see if I can describe it another way. Its almost how you feel when you wake up in the morning and take a big long stretch mixed with how you feel after you've had a wonderful dream. Its a wonderful almost tingly feeling when I get to do a massage.

Touch is such a potent and powerful thing and I was thinking about that yesterday as I worked, as my body moved so flawlessly and gracefully around my table. It flowed with such ease and it provided such a service to this gruff and grumbly, hard working and very appreciative man. I was thinking about what kind and how much touch we give and receive everyday. In my regular job I work with people with developmental disabilities and a lot of my job involves invading their personal space to help them with their daily needs. Things that we take for granted they need assistance with. Like showers using the restroom lifting and positioning them so that they're comfortable. I also help them eat and dress and brush their teeth, shave. The list is very long of the things that the other staff and I help them with. It involves a lot of touching and a lot of trust. But the touch I was thinking about most was all the many times I would hold their hand when they're terrified at the doctors office or at the hospital feeling sick and scared of an environment they aren't familiar with and with people they don't know and that they don't trust. I was thinking about how much such a simple touch makes such a difference and that that same difference is felt by us as well.

I remember when I was little and in the morning when I had to get up my mom would come in an sit on the side of my bed and rub my back and gently whisper, "Good Morning sweetheart its time to get up." I remember how soft and gentle her voice was and the tenderness I felt as she touched my back. It made the rest of my day so great to wake up that way. Its such a difference from having someone barge in your room and rip off your covers and holler, " WAKE UP! You're late!" It set the mood for your whole day. My dad used to rub me under my eyes when I would lay on his lap. He told me that it was the least touched part of the body but that it was just as important as everything else and deserved some attention too. Not only did it feel good but he would talk to me and tell me things that I thought were so interesting and were so amazing. He was so smart and he knew everything. I knew a woman once who had a teenage son who was very withdrawn and moody and didn't want much to do with the family but this woman wanted to connect so badly with her son. She decided that no matter what she needed to touch him in some way at least once a day whether it was a shoulder pat, resting her hand on his arm when they talked or the most rare of all a little squeeze of a hug. She didn't think it made much of a difference until her son grew up and one night as they were reminiscing as a family he told her what a difference it made to him. He had really felt the difference. When you are a teenager you feel so alone and diseased and uncomfortable in your own skin and it would make such a difference to have someone try to connect with you. I can't even imagine how much worse he would've felt if his mother didn't make the effort to touch him. To show him, not only tell him, that he mattered.

We say so many things when we touch someone else both good and bad. I can be having the worst day and feeling so sad and alone and when someone comes along and hugs me its like the flood gates open and my heart unclenches and I can cry. I can release everything that was making me sad. A hug says we care that we have concern. A hug can also mean joy and happiness. I watch those commercials and shows where someone wins something or gets good news and the very first thing they do is to find the closest person to hug, and if no one is around they're looking around as if they're trying to find some one to hug. I think it's so amazing that that's the first instinct to grab on and clutch someone. I hate seeing parents at the store with their kids and they're misbehaving and their first reaction when the kid is screaming is to smack them in the mouth or smack their bottoms. How humiliating that must be for a kid. To be yelled at and touched in such away in front of all those people. When we got in trouble as kids the cart was abandoned and we were removed from the store. If we got a punishment it was not in front of everyone and always after wards they hugged us and talked to us and explained what we had done wrong, why we got the swat. I honestly don't remember ever being spanked I only have my parents word that they had. All I remember about when I was a kid was how rotten my brothers were and that my parents loved me. My brothers loved me too I just got them in trouble a lot. I guess I was a bit of a stinker :)

Touch is very important and when there isn't any you feel it. I miss a lot of different kinds of touch that disappeared with Ex. I remember once he was really sick his stomach was upset and I came into the bathroom where he was and asked me to come by him and he buried his head into my belly and held onto my hips while I gently stroked his hair and neck and what comfort that gave him. I couldn't make it better but I helped. When I would come home from work at night he was always waiting at the door with a hug and a kiss. I loved how gently he would hold me when I had bad dreams at night. Dancing was the best. Body and body breath with breath. The sweetness, the passion, the love. Mr. Man was also very good with tender touching. How sweetly he interacted with me. I feel asleep on the couch with him once and every time my head would start to slid off his shoulder he just held it. He didn't push it back up or wake me he just held it and gently touched my face and hair as I slept.

I have many wonderful memories of touch in my life and these are just a few. Massage school was filled with wonderful touch moments. I probably think too deeply about it but its made such a difference in my life. When I worked yesterday it brought to mind so many wonderful things. Every memory comes with a feeling and that's probably why I feel so euphoric when I get a chance to massage someone. Its a wonderful experience that I've been able to share with so many people that I care about and so many appreciative strangers. Touch can be such a tool in our arsenal of human relationships if kept in perspective and appropriateness. It makes such a difference in all of our lives.

Miss M