New Year

It’s amazing to me how quickly love can creep up on you. I am completely in awe of the direction my life has taken in the last little while. I am headed in a direction that I thought I would never see again and if I did, it would’ve been a long time from now. Mr. Man is wonderful. He amazes me. We’ve spent some great time together and each time I see him I fall for him a little bit more. It’s the way he talks to me that has me won over the most. I can feel it in his tone, in the words that he says, and the actions that follow how much of a respect and a regard he has for me. It baffles me what he sees in me that warrants such a genuine affection. Mr. Man seems so in awe of what we’ve started. Sometimes he seems mesmerized at the sight of our fingers interlocked together as we hold each other’s hand. It feels so great when he pulls me into him for a deep but innocent embrace. His hands on my back and touching my hair his face against my cheek is glorious and I have never felt safer. The sensation of it all makes my breath catch and my heart race. Thinking on it now makes my face blush not for the physicality of it but for all the emotion that goes into our hugs. It’s delightful to say the least and wonderful. I loved my ex but he did not, could not and would not have ever been able to do for me in a lifetime what Mr. Man has done in a week. A very big part of my heart is healing. Part of me wishes that I didn’t have to pay the horrible price I paid to learn the lessons I’ve learned, but in my heart of hearts and deep with in my soul I know that I would never have been able to fully appreciate what’s happening now if not for what has gone before. I would not change my past even if I could. I have made many choices that some would call mistakes and things that I should regret, but I don’t. The path I followed as hard and difficult as it has been has made me who I am and I wouldn’t change that for anything. I am proud of the person I have become and that person has attracted some one into my life that is going to truly care for me and someone to whom I can fully return that same affection and love. I am truly blessed. Now that the New Year has come I am seeing the dawn that I had prayed for so many times over the last year. The trials I have endured have refined me into the woman that I never thought I could be. As difficult and dark and hopeless that the last year has been, it’s so glorious to finally see all the darkness start to fade away. I don’t think that the road will be any easier but now I have the light to warm my face and light my path and someone who is willing to walk it with me and is ready to stand with me and not shirk the hardships that lay ahead. Even as I write this it seems so odd to know something so profound so early in the relationship but I do. Its truthfulness burns with in me and I cannot deny it. I’m terrified at the surety that I have regarding Mr. Man and this love that we’ve started, as young as it may be, but I will hold to this direction. I will not fear happiness because now I have the faith that I deserve it. I don’t always feel like its mine, this chance of be being truly happy, but I will not turn from the possibility because I fear. If this opportunity passes it will not be because I am afraid. I claim the right to be loved, to be happy.  Happy New Year!

Miss M