Silly Idiot

Ok, I'm recently new to the whole dating thing and I wasn't very good at it before the ex escapades. I had my moments of dating brilliance, but nothing of significance and all my really good stuff was used on someone who really doesn't care anymore (he claims he does but I don't believe him, he's crazy, literally). Anyway, I digress, moving on. So yeah dating, me, no good. Hilarious I admit, but that's all I'll admit. ;) It just baffles me how much of an idiot I become if some one smiles at me in that way that's just a little more than a regular smile. Now there are many possibilities on the next Mr. M or at least the next boyfriend or special friend of Miss M., but there are only two of note. And today they both made me feel like a silly idiot. A delightful feeling most times but odd, new, different, a wonder and interestingly astonishing. I like all of this. This giddy rush of warm pink that washes over me. It reminds me that I'm alive. That I still have it in me to fall in love again. That it wasn't me that was screwed up the last time, because I rock. Who wouldn't fall for me? I'm fantastic. A silly idiot but that's what makes me so endearing. I mean who really wants a girl who cool, calm and collected all the time. Everybody, boy or girl, wants someone who's willing to look like an idiot and be real. A flawed sometimes desperate beautiful mix of a person. No one genuine wants a barbie doll who smiles just so and acts just so. At least I don't. I want some one who makes mistakes. Someone who accidentally bops you in the face the first time he tries to put his arm around you at the movie. I want a boy to get so nervous when he tries to kiss me the first time that he closes his eyes too soon and gets my nose, and then plays it off like he meant to do that. And one day far from today who's hair sticks up and their breath stinks in the morning. Someone who looks their most attractive with baby spit up on their shoulder and barrettes in his hair from the tea party with our daughter.It really doesn't have to be that specific but things like that, unexpected and imperfectly perfect.

Now these boys are doing a good job of making me blush and run into things. Both of which happened today. Boy one, we'll call him internet guy, because that's where we met. We had a short conversation about kissing. It was playful more than anything, but it made me blush and grin like an idiot and it made him grin and giggle. (I love it when he does that) It wasn't much but it was fun. I enjoy the simple sweetness of it all. Nothing serious but fun nonetheless. Now boy two, we'll call him......He's a little harder to name....Let me think....Ok...We'll call him Mr. Man. Generic but somewhat fitting. He goes to my church here and Mr Man is as much of an idiot as I am. He invents reasons to talk to me and watches me when I walk whenever I walk. (He doesn't know that I notice this, hehe) Today in the primary, our children's sunday school, we chatted a bit. Then I had to go do something but I forgot to do something else in the primary so I had to go back. He watched me come in and he gave me a little smile and his eyes lit up. I smiled back and started to leave. I looked back and he smiled again just as I got to the door and it caught me of guard how big of a wonderful smile he gave me and I ran into the door a little bit and almost knocked over the poor sister headed out the door in front of me. It happened just outside of his eyeline but it still made me feel like a silly idiot. A wonderful happy bemused silly idiot. I love this. Two wonderful boys each delightfully great guys to be with and both innocently enamored with me. It can't get much better than this. I love being an idiot.

Miss M