I had every intention of writing about my great and wonderful weekend trip. A lovely report of the good times I had with my friends and with the people I met but I've decided not to. Maybe later....sometime. I'm not sure yet. This blog seems to be a platform for what's on my mind and the things that affect me. My trip had a huge impact but not the destination. The impact came from the drive home. I had the best time. I haven't felt so content and happy and blissful in a long time. Long before Ex left and not really since, until yesterday. I had gone to this conference with Mr. Man and another girl who just newly joined our church. She's been a member about a month and had never experienced anything like one of our conferences before and had so much fun and was so exhausted that she pooped out for the ride home. She slept for over half of the way so that just left Mr. Man and I to talk. We talked non stop the entire way home and we were so engrossed in the conversations that we'd go through the CDs a few times before we'd realize they had started over several times. The topics and discussions ranged from the normal, to deep and intimate, to ridiculous, to weird, to delightful and heavenly. It flowed so effortlessly and wonderfully. I knew alot about him already and he knew alot about me but we still managed to surprise each other. We played a game called Random Factoid for most of the first half of the drive. You play by saying the first random fact that comes to mind about yourself when it was your turn. It made for some pretty funny stories and for "Aa haa" moments, moments where something about them finally fell into place in your perception of them and they made just little bit more sense. We laughed alot. I almost cried a couple of times. I apologized alot because I behaved rather shamefully the night before on Saturday. He readily forgave me but felt better once I explained what was going on with me. He had been a little comcerned.It was strange that he was worried, but interesting. Ex had called my cell a couple times and that made me sensitive and weird. He's so far away and still manages to upset things sometimes. I was very short and cross with Mr. Man on Saturday. I felt terible that I was so unfair to him. I was punishing him for what Ex does and basicly picking a little fight. Mr. Man handled it well. He has always done well with my weirdness, but he said he understood alot more after I explained what happened on the way home. Towards the end of the trip we ran out of random factoids so we played "Truth or Dare minus the Dare because we were in a car" so we just asked each other questions about the other. It was enlightening to say the least. That drive was wonderful. His face was almost radiant he was smiling so much. He looked all spiffy with his sunglasses and church clothes. The sunlight spilled into the car in such a magical way. It was heavenly. He was heavenly and I was as close to normal as I've been in a long time. We were enjoying it all so much that he parked a half a a block away from my house and we just kept talking. We parked for awhile and it wasn't even my idea. It was wonderful to be able to talk so candidly like we used to.
Everything is back to normal now. Its a little bit better of a normal but that's okay. I'm happy to be his friend. It is enough for now. I doubt that it could ever be what it was. I just wish I knew what to do. I'm so unsure of my standing with him because it seems to change with every moment. I was glad for our time in the sun, but I doubt that he'll let it last.
Miss M
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