Jittery

I am so tired. I'm generally exhausted all of the time. So going to sleep at night should be no problem, right? Nope. Its a huge problem. I love my bed. Love it. It's fantastic. Its comfy it's just the right temperature, the perfect blankies and pillows the most wonderful kitties to keep me company but yet, no sleep. Wonderful bed, no sleep.

Grrr....grr. Blah!

This blows. I'm all jittery. My mind is racing a million miles an hour and I can't focus on just one thing it jumps around and is going crazy. I really don't have much to think about either. I mean I do but most of it is out of my hands and I have no control over any of it so its completely pointless to think about. I can't sit still. My leg is all jumpy, every time I lay down I want to get up and move. I want to talk to someone but I don't want to put in the effort of calling anyone nor do I have any idea who I could talk to. I have a good idea of who I want to talk to and who I really shouldn't talk to. I have a many conversations I wish I could and were having because I'm sure I'd sleep better once I got it out of my system.

Mr. Man called me yesterday. For no good reason. He called to find out where we were meeting for singles. I had just given him three months worth of activities all of which have time and places for all our activities including yesterday's. It was an unnecessary fact finding phone call. It ended up being the longest phone conversation we've had in months and months. It was fantastic I had to put in no effort he called me and he was the one that did most of the talking. Mr. Man was even trying to help me figure out a couple of my more non personal problems. He inspected my car yesterday. He told me once just before we started dating that he likes to make sure that the cars of the people he cares about are doing ok because it means that the people he cares about are safer. He's inspected my car on a regular basis ever since. After we broke up he did it more slyly so I wouldn't know but yesterday he did it blatantly and smirked when I asked him if he was, in fact, inspecting my car. He tried half heartedly to deny it at first but gave up and admitted it. The list of confusing things goes on and on and on. I flirt with every guy I know on a regular basis they know its harmless, Mr. Man would basically roll his eyes at me and then ignore it. Yesterday I told him I love to watch him walk away and he smiled and then strutted!!! I mean good heavens, What the Crap!?!

Hmmmmm.............

I'm not really sure what's going on here but I am on guard.

He will not side swipe me again. When he liked me the first time around it totally shocked me and I was completely, completely unprepared for the onslaught his affections turned out to be. This time I have to be on my toes and at the top of my game for many reasons. Part of me thinks that Mr. Man might not be aware of what turmoil and upheaval he is causing by his mixed signals and there is a distinct possibility that he does know what he's about and he's intentionally flirting with me. Or a third more precarious cicumstance is he's still unsure of what he wants us to be and he's testing these dangerous waters with a very gunshy and jumpy girl who's more than a little uneasy with the idea of a serious relationship even though its her deepest desire. Mr. Man has no Idea what he may be getting himself into. I might be a bit too much woman for him.

Because and despite of this I'm still left wide awake and exhausted. I'm uber jittery and fidgety. Good gracious I'm tired. I suppose I'll have to deal with all that's going on but it'd be a lot easier if I could sleep through part of it.

*YAWN*

Grrrrrrr..........Silly boys!

Hmmff!!

Oh well.

Miss M