Appreciated

I honestly didn't think that Mr. Man would acknowledge the email I sent him. I assumed that he'd continue to pretend that I no longer existed. I was wrong. I saw him at institute yesterday. he walked in and saw me sitting on the couch in the foyer and his face grew a smile and he gave me this sideways look and told me that he appreciated the email and that he appreciated the friendship as well. He looked at me a little funny. I'm not really sure how to interpret the look but it seemed like a good one. After that Mr. Man flopped himself on the couch across from me and we set about having a lovely conversation, one that we were so engrossed in that the teacher had to come out and remind us to come in to class. I sat by him like I do just about every week. Normally my presence is generally tolerated and for short moments pleasant but that night he seemed to be happy I was there next to him. It was comfortable. After institute we talked together outside by our cars for another half hour or so. We were the last ones to leave the parking lot. It was really hard to walk away from him. He seemed a little hesitant too.

This is going to be a lot harder than I originally thought. I thought it would make it alot easier not having around anymore, that my head wouldn't be so muddled and confused, but his not being here means that he won't be here. Yeah I know, duh, but really I'm not sure which is worse. There must be something bigger going on here that I'm not seeing. There has to be a reason that all of this is happening, a reason for how all of this is going down.

I need to stop falling in love.

Mr. Man says he appreciates me I just wish he could appreciate me more. So much more that he'd either stay or take me with him. That's the way I would choose for it to go but there must be another path for me to take, away from him. I hope its a prettier, easier path. It can have thorns and what not but hopefully the flowers would hide the thorns because I have someone to walk it with. Right now all I see is the thorns not the beauty.

At least I'm appreciated.

Thats something I guess.

Miss M