Yesterday was a wonderful day. I couldn't have asked for a better day. It turned out much much better than I thought that it would. I was really scared that it was going to be a horrible day. There were a few bumbs but not major ones. I've decided that I have just the greatest group of friends. They have been so fantastic. It was such a gret day. Everything went pretty smooth for the most part. I didn't get the cool indifference that I feared I would. In fact he was marvelous. It was like minnesota all over again. We even played Truth again. Captain Doofus rode with Mr. Man and I and admitted to me that she finally understanads why I like him so much. Mr. Man is a completly different person when other people are around he's very very serious to the point of almost being a jerk and very cold and indifferent. The girls in my gang don't really care for him too much because of that. I'm about the only one who actually enjoys being with him and spending time with him, but he usually acts different with me. Before we broke up I didn't know he was this uber serious guy so when he reverted back to that after us I thought he was acting that way because of me. I just didn't realize that was his natural state of being. Figuring that out has made such a difference.
As wondeful as yesterday was I'm feeling a little irritated, mostly with myself. I'm very much tired of this whole situtation. I'm tired of being stuck here, of being stuck in this loop of stupidty and weirdness with Mr. Man. I feel stagnate and useless. I spew pathetic and desperate sounding emotional vomit which makes me look shallow and childish. I really really want to tell Mr. Man what I think of him. I want to tell him how much he pisses me off and how irritating his by the book attitude is when there's soooo much more to life than following the rules. Especially rules that no one else dispensed but yourself, rules that are misguided and eroneous. He is self inflicting alot of the reasons why he feels lonely. I've had a glimpse of how he can be, how he is suppose to be naturally and if he behaved that why more often then he'd have to beat friends away with a stick. He would be the flame that draws so many to his personal sphere because he's burning so brightly with charm and wit and genuine concern for the people around him. It irritates me that I even care so much as to worry about all this crap. This isn't my problem I shouldn't devote so much of my personal energies to him. He shouldn't be worth it to me, but everytime I get close to writing him off and moving on something in my gut whispers that there is something more to be done with him. So hence I trudge onward though this nasty mess of emotional vomit and irritaion,but If I have to continue with this I need to start figure our a different appoach and cleaning up the mess because the stench is getting to me.
Miss M
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